Right now, I’m questioning many of my online friendships. I don’t know if it’s just me or if it has to do with the new moon, but I can’t seem to chat with anybody without having an argument with them. And sometimes it is over such silly stuff it’s just pathetic.

I’m not too well lately. My health is not the best and I feel tired a lot. I hide at home and sleep a lot and of course, eat too much.

So after all the arguments, I decided to stay offline for a couple of day. No chatting for me. Maybe this phase of bad influence will go away on it’s own. I have a week off next week and I planned to do a spring clean.

Now since I wasn’t chatting yesterday, I started to dust off and clean my bookshelf. My bookshelf is like my life. It not just holds books, but souvenirs, gifts and memories.

I started at the top, where I have some witchy stuff, like my runes and crystals. I also had some oils and balms there and a couple of other things. The next was souvenirs from holidays I either got myself or as a gift from others. I’m especially fond of the 2 pair of chop sticks my mum brought me from China.

Then there was my photo equipment. I really should send in the film lol. I have it there since years now and can’t even remember what’s on it. A few electronic things are there too, including my old walkman. I threw it away now. I don’t really use it anymore and it’s just a memory of my teenage years.

At the bottom of the bookshelf, I found 4 metal cookie boxes. 2 of them held buttons. Don’t laugh lol. I got them from my grandmother. I always thought that I might use them some when. I’m such a collector lol. I threw them away and kept the boxes. The other 2 were empty so I filled one of them with stuff for table decorations and little stones to glue to stuff.

I moved to the next element of my bookshelf. It holds all my witchy books. I cleaned and sorted them and dreaded the moment I would have to look at the two metal boxes at the bottom. These two boxes hold memories, memories of my teenage years till now. Letters, postcards and other little notes.

I took one of the boxes and sat on the couch. Taking a deep breath I opened it. It was the box with the wedding stuff on top. Vouchers we got on our wedding and never used. Cards from family and friends, wishing us all the best. I quickly went through all of it and spilled some tears. There on that pic of the announcement of the wedding was a girl who smiled happily and in hope of having found her counterpart. I quickly shredded the card and threw it away. Together with all the other stuff that promised good times, but just brought me grief and unhappiness. I only kept one or two pics of friends. It’s my past and the last thing, beside my wedding dress I kept from that horror of a marriage. And I felt relieve, when I saw all the memories vanish in the garbage bag lol. I think, now I’m really done with that part of my past. I spilled the last tears for it.

The next box is filled with postcards and letters. I cried a lot reading them. They were from my grandmother and my godfather. Two people who meant a lot in my life and are both dead since a couple of years. I won’t throw them away, they mean too much to me. I also kept the only love letter I ever got lol. I was 14 or 15 then and like most males I know, he was a whiner. No offence guys, but what I went through the past weeks, makes me want to become a lesbian or at least bi. Lol.

I also found a couple of letters my mum wrote to me. Apparently I even ran away as a teenager. I can’t really remember that lol.

All in all, it was good to clear out the cobwebs in my life. To get rid of some old luggage, so to speak. It was like closing a chapter of my life and it felt good. I felt lighter. I’m sure by the end of the month, more will be gone. The bookshelf was just the beginning.