And its not a musical blues either. It started already in the last dream before I woke up this morning. It was a sad one and I woke with a deep sadness. I sometimes get that way. It's not like a depression where you want to kill yourself and stuff. It's more like the realisation that things/people you like are not for you. It will pass, I know, but right now, I feel like crying and just being alone.

I told Rick how I feel last night and I tried to tell Zack the same, just that Zack did what most man do when it gets too complicated, he ran off lol. He doesnt likes to hear when I tell him that he wont have the guts to visit me in real lol.

Rick is a different story, I still have feelings for him, but I dont know why he isnt trying to be with me in real. I guess that will be a mistery to me for the rest of my life. I know he would be the right man for me, but I guess I'm not the right woman for him.

After Dark

2 oz. Tia Maria Cola

Pour tia maria into an old fashioned glass filled with ice, fill with cola and mix.



Banshee

1 oz. White Crème de Cacao 1 oz. Crème de Banana 1 oz. Cream

Combine all the ingredients in a shaker filled with ice, shake and strain into a cocktail glass.



Bewitched

1/2 oz. Vodka 1/2 oz. B & B Liquour 1/2 oz. Cream

Combine ingredients in a mixing glass with ice. Stir gently and strain into a large shot glass or cordial glass.



Black Cat Meow!

2 oz. Blavod Black Vodka 1/2 oz. Chambord

Combine in a shaker with a cup of ice. Shake well and strain into a chilled cocktail glass.



Black Punch

1 750 ml bottle Vodka 2 packets Grape Kool Aide 3 Quarts Water 2 Cups Sugar 1 Liter Ginger Ale

Make Kool Aide according to instuctions using the water, sugar and Kool Aide in a large punch bowl. After sugar is disolved, add a block of ice or dry ice. Then, mix in the Vodka. Finally, when ready to serve add the Giger Ale.

Serves 30. Frightning!




Brain Hemorrhage

1 oz. Peach Schnapps 1 tsp. Bailey's Irish Cream 2 drops Grenadine

Pour the Peach Schnapps into a large shot glass. Slowly add the Bailey's and top with the grenadine.



Corpse Reviver #1

1 1/2 oz. Brandy 1/2 Fernet Branca 1 oz. White Crème de Menthe

In a mixing glass filled with ice, combine the brandy, fernet branca and the crème de menthe and stir well. Strain into a martini glass.

Corpse Reviver #2

1 oz. Brandy 1 oz. Apple Brandy 1 oz. Sweet Vermouth

In a mixing glass filled with ice, combine the brandy, apply brandy and sweet vermouth and stir well. Strain into a martini glass.

Corpse Reviver #3
1 oz. Gin 1 oz. Swedish Punsch 1 oz. Triple Sec 3/4 oz. Lemon Juice 2 Dashes Anisette
In a mixing glass filled with ice, combine the gin, Swedish punsch, cointreau, lemon juice and anisette flavored liquor and stir well. Strain into a martini glass.

Little Devil
3/4 oz. Light Rum 3/4 oz. Gin 2 tsp. Triple Sec 2 tsp. Lemon Juice Marachino Cherry
Combine ingredients in a shaker with ice and shake well. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass over ice. Drop in the cherry.


Jagermonster

Fill a mixing glass with ice.

1 oz. Jägermeister 1 oz. Grenadine Fill with Orange Juice

Combine all everything in the mixing glass. Mix well, and serve in a beer mug.



Red Devil

2 oz. Irish Wiskey 1 1/2 oz. Clam Juice 1 1/2 oz. Tomato Juice 1 tsp. Lime Juice 3 drops Worcestershire Pepper to taste

Combine in a shaker with ice. Shake well and strain into a chilled cocktail glass.



Vampire's Kiss

2 oz. vodka 1/2 oz. dry gin 1/2 oz. dry vermouth 1 tbsp. tequila Pinch of salt 2 oz. tomato juice

Mix in Old Fashioned, shake with ice, strain over ice.




Witch's Brew Happy Halloween
2 Bottles of Champagne 1 Gallon Orange Juice 1/2 Gallon Orange Sherbert 1 Bunch peeled Black Grapes Sugar to taste 1 Bottle (2l) Lemon-Lime Soda* *for lower the alcohol content 1/2 Bottle vodka 1/2 Bottle Vodka** **to raise the alcohol content Small pieces of Dry Ice Bunches of Grapes for Garnish

Combine Champagne and orange juice in large punch bowl. Scoop sherbert into bowl until it has produced a nice scum over the top. Add sugar to taste if desired. Float peeled grapes in mixture, and garnish bowl with the rest of the grapes. Drop in pieces of dry ice for steaming effect, but note that no one should put dry ice in his/her mouth. If you want to raise or lower the alcohol content in the punch, add vodka or clear soda respectively.




DRINK RECIPE

Zombie

Wake the Dead

1 oz. Light Rum 1 oz. Gold Rum 1 oz. Dark Rum 1 tsp. 151 Rum 1/2 oz. Apricot Brandy 2 oz. Orange Juice 1 oz. Pineapple Juice 1 oz. Lime Juice 1 tsp. Sugar 1 cup Crushed Ice

Garnish Orange Slice Maraschino Cherry

In a blender, combine all ingredients except the 151 with crushed ice. Blend at a high speed until smooth and pour into a Collins glass. Float the 151 rum on top and garnish with the orange slice and maraschino cherry.






Source: http://www.drinkoftheweek.com

I AM

1. 5'5'' or 165cm tall
2. overweight, but loosing it cause of health problems
3. a teaser
4. a hopeless romantic
5. cheeky
6. loyal
7. an only child
8. caring
9. compassionate
10. creative

I HAVE

11. a thing for Scots
12. over 800 music cd's
13. shoulderlong redish brown hair
14. amber eyes
15. a big heart
16. diabetes typ 2
17. metal in my ankle
18. 6 scars longer then 6cm/3 inches
19. an ex husband
20. a very vivid imagination


I LOVE

21. to travel
22. walking barefoot
23. milk chocolate
24. my big bro Chris and his family
25. seafood
26. to read (J.R. Ward, Sherilyn Kenyon, Dean Koontz, Diane Gabaldon, Kresley Cole, Laurell K. Hamilton, just to name a few)
27. to write (poetry and erotic or none erotic stories)
28. to help people
29. Water! In any way
30. shopping far away from home

DISLIKE

31. rude and ordinary people
32. to share a shower with strangers
33. the smell of vomit
34. when people are late
35. dishonest people
36. when I break a nail
37. to be inperfect, but thats what makes me human
38. arrogance and ignorance
39. Tomatos
40. discrimination

ONE DAY I WILL

41. dive
42. make love in the ocean
43. be rich
44. be famous
45. play Black Jack in Vegas
46. meet Sean Connery
47. change the world
48. ride on a black stallion at the beach
49. have a loving husband and grow old with him
50. own a house at the beach

PET PEEVES

51. getting "chain letter" mails
52. people who constantly have to nag
53. when someone doesn't replace an empty roll of toilet paper
54. answering a question with a question, unless its me who is doing it
55. cobwebs in the corners
56. telemarketers who won't give up so you just have to hang up!
57. when I cant find something
58. Most pulses on IMVU
59. guys asking me for nude pics or cybersex
60. IMVU's double morals about sex and guns

MY FAVOURITE

61. color - blue
62. book - Tie me up, tie me down
63. movie - The Crow
64. food - anything Italian or Chinese
65. Dessert - mousse au chocolate
66. beverage - water
67. perfume - Chanel Allure
68. fruit - strawberries
69. veggie - carrots
70. hobby- writing, webdesign

THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MYSELF

71. my eyes
72. That I have a heart
73. I can keep a secret
74. my ability to forgive
75. ability to make others laugh
76. I'm reliable
77. I can still fall in love
78. I'm responsible
79. I'm honest
80. My IQ

AFTER 'ALL THESE YEARS' I STILL

81. like my birthday
82. watch 'The little lord' on Christmas
83. love my mum
84. get excited about Christmas
85. have a mess on my desk
86. love to draw
87. like cherry flavoured chewies
88. eat the salad first
89. love the burgers from Silberkugel
90. have no driver's licence

WHEN I'M OLD AND GREY, I WANT TO BE ABLE TO SAY

91. I lived a good life
92. I had many friends
93. I will be missed
94. I did everything that I wanted to
95. I have no regrets
96. I still look young
97. I'm not afraid to die
98. "I've been there"
99. "I've done that"
100. "I remember that" (and actually do remember lol)

And 101: I am glad I posted this list into my blog

Yesterday my mum came over to help me clean my appartment. We moved stuff around, threw a whole lot away and put some stuff into the basement. We dusted, shrubbed, vacuumed and polished. And now my home seems bigger then before lol.

I still have a few things I need to get rid of. Like the old stereo. I never use it anymore since I mainly listen music either over the net or over the tv. With the cable connection i have many channels over the tv.

When I went to bed, my whole body was sore and I took a painkiller so I could sleep. It wasnt as bad this morning, but I feel every muscle in my arms and legs lol. But it's a good feeling.

I'm satisfied with what we accomplished. Now I just have to make sure it stays that way

I'm already a day older and can reflect on my birthday. Against all odds it was a nice day. Friends congratulated me and send me nice wishes. I got a few gifts on IMVU and I know that Rick tried to call. Sadly I missed it, because i was in the shower.

Dinner at my fav Chinese Restaurant was great as usual. They gave me a gift again, yay me. A beautiful bracelet made of halfgems. It's made of 2 different stones. The bigger beads are carnelian and the disks in between are turquoise. It looks lovely They are always so generouse.

And this morning I even got some TLC from a special guy

Yep I'm officially old now. I went to bed in my 30s and got up in my 40s lol. I'm 40 and still dont feel older then 25. But this doesn't means I'm childish ;)

Chris, my best friend in the whole wide world was the first to congratulate me. He send an email, an ecard and a txt message lol. He also sent me all books from 'Game of Thrones'. I love the tv show, so I'm sure I will love the books too.
I also got a few wishes from people on IMVU and a handful of gifts. I'm actually surprised anyone remembered me at all lol.

I'm a little sad, that I wont have a party on IMVU, but I just dont have enough friends who have time for me on there anymore. But my birthday dinner in real with my mum and stepdad, at my fav chinese restaurant is still up.

Since I don't have exactly a good relationship with my dad anymore, I didn't want him there today. I will go with him and my stepmum on another day to have chinese.

When I spoke to Rick last time, he said that he had bought something for me, but so far nothing arrived. I will be patient, since he is at sea again for a month. Hope he comes back well and all.

Well, I'll go and play some WoW. Killing monsters always makes me happy *evil laughter*

I havent blogged for a while now, but I keep missing it. So this will be a new begining. Since I don't really want to bother my friends with my worries and problems, I will just write them down.

Life has been really difficult the past 4 years. It all began when the company I worked for closed down, about 4 years ago. I had to go to the unemployment office and only worked 20% for my dad. I couldn't find a job for 2 years, which was really depressing. I became suicidal, didnt want to live anymore, since all my savings were gone and I had lost many friends. All seemed to break apart.

Finally though I got a job in September 2010. I was so happy and reliefed, since the unemployment office would have stopped paying at the end of the year and then I would have become a social case. So I started the job, full of positive energy, just to find out that I was just another mobbing victim of the boss. 3 people before me had already left because of him. I tried to talk to him, but he wouldnt listen, let alone stop. But I wont go into details since I just want to forget about it. In February I got really sick and didnt go back to work. I had a total burnout and started therapy in March. They fired me and I never went back to work. They never paid the holidays I still had or the overtime. They also refused to write me the necessary papers.

So I was out of hell, but without job again. My savings were long gone by then and I was really worried about my future. I was able to convince my dad to take me back, hopeing i would get some time to get back on my feet. I couldnt have been more wrong.

The salary is not enough to get me through the month. He yells at me all the time and all because he is frustrated. He let's it all out on us, not just me, but on everybody, beside the his parasit friend. She gets paid for 8 hours a week, but actual work is just for 4 hours. But that's a different story.

So now i'm sitting here, with like CHF 20.00 in my bank account for the rest of the month.