It sometimes feels like my life is an episode of twilight zone. Everything keeps repeating itself, through my own stupidity.
I keep trusting the wrong people and keep pushing the ones way who are the right friends. What has to happen that I finally change?
You can say a lot about me, but two things I'm not. I'm not liar and I'm not a backstabber. I learned a long time ago to stand to what I say. If I tell you I don't believe something you tell, it's not to piss you off, but cause I really don't believe you. If I tell you I think you dress and act slutty, it's cause you do. If I think you are not honest with yourself about getting a job, then I stand to that. BUT all this doesnt means I'm not your friend. I always thought friends should be honest with each other. Who else but friends can you trust to be honest with you. You told me bad things I did too, did I quit friendship cause of it? No I didn't. You treated me like shit at times, made me feel like a total loser compared to you. Did I quit friendship cause of it? No I didn't. You slept with almost every male friend of mine and I'm not even talking about the guys I had feelings for. You scream so loud 'I'm a lady', but you act like a slut. I just found out that you sent a little porn of yourself to my best friend. He never told me about, but since you so much like to blurt around the things I said to you now, he doesnt feels like he owes you anything anymore. How long did you know him before you send it? One chat? How long did you cyber with him? One chat! How much did you think about how I would feel about it? How much did you think about me when you slept with 2 of my lovers? Where is your respect for me and my feelings in this? You just take whatever you want, without bothering to think of how others might feel of it. Only cause you are insanly dominant, it doesnt means you can take whatever you want.
After talking to my best friend and listening to the things he said, I can just feel sorry for you. You not just have no respect for others, but you have absolutly no respect for yourself. You throw your body at everone who seems to want you. Hell if I would have said yes you would even have cybered with me. And that makes me really sad. But again, it never even made me think of quitting friendship with you.
Now back to the twilight zone. The same thing happened to me before. 2 times actually. I trusted a friend and they went after my boyfriend/lovers. At least they had the decencie to feel sorry.
I will have to work really hard on not being so trusting anymore. I have to learn that sex comes before friendship for many people. But thats for another post
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